Twelve Rules for Life

Do not invade Russia.

Do not invest large sums in tulips.

If God tells you not to eat a fruit, don’t.

Urinate only with the wind at your back.

Do not rely on French troops to guard your left flank.

Never bet on the villain in a Disney film.

Never marry a woman whose family nickname is “Princess.”

Avoid staff picnics during a zombie apocalypse.

In the event of a nuclear holocaust, get under your desk and put your hands behind your head

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Avoid land wars in Asia.

Do not lick doorknobs during a coronavirus outbreak.

Never take life advice from a psychologist.