Did Rob Reiner Deserve it?

There is a highly discreditable human tendency, whenever evil occurs, to blame the victim. This makes us feel safer from evil ourselves, and gives us an alibi for doing nothing to help. Moreover, opining about another’s family situation is gossip. We cannot really know.

Nevertheless, I think it is important to comment on the issue of Nick Reiner, accused of having murdered his parents Rob and Michele Reiner.

Most relevant, I think, is a comment from an extra on the movie they made—that Nick came across as spoiled and privileged. But really, all you need to know is that he was a drug addict. Then it all immediately makes sense.

I believe Rob Reiner was indeed responsible for his own death. But not because he treated his son badly. He spoiled his child. This is tragically common, so not really to his great discredit. And it is on the advice of experts: we are, they tell us, supposed to “love unconditionally,” and avoid punishments. Children need “self-esteem.” If they behave badly, you need to treat them better. The problem must be a “lack of self-esteem.”

This is clearly the path the Reiners followed. They were “progressive.” They respected the experts. They did all the latest and right things. None of this old-fashioned Biblical or Victorian nonsense about “spare the rod and spoil the child,” or "Whoever spares the rod hates their children." Indeed, in their minds, the experts did not go far enough.

The most likely result will be a hopeless narcissist. As the Bible warns, they will not have any clear guidance as to right and wrong. They will be without any self-discipline. And they will likely have a godlike conception of their own self-worth and desserts: a narcissist.

A child so raised will rarely appreciate having been pampered. Like the girl in the parable “The Princess and the Pea,” they will assume they deserve it, will have no tolerance for suffering of any kind, and so their demands will grow and grow. They will inevitably grow to the point where you cannot satisfy them, and then they will blame and condemn you for not providing. And maybe slit your throat in your sleep. 

It will also make them wholly dependent—on you, or on someone else, or on alcohol or drugs. A snowflake. If not these, then on any or all of the vices, for these are addictions in the same way: pride, envy, greed, sloth, gluttony, wrath, lust. See Hunter Biden.

Disturbingly, we have always raised girls this way. Perhaps this is because it is always easier and more pleasant to spoil a child. And the parents can traditionally assume that, in the end, the girl will be someone else’s problem. Perhaps too because spoiling will make her dependent, so more likely to marry.

Spoiling a child is of course more common in wealthy families, because it is easier for them to thoroughly spoil a child. But do not assume this. The British upper class traditionally sent their scions to spartan boarding schools to avoid this; or handed them over to a stern nanny. It is probably even more common in fatherless families, because mothers are more likely to pamper and spoil a child. Which explains a lot about crime in poor neighbourhoods. It is also common in families where the father is highly successful. Because his attention to his career can mean less time to attend to the children—this is left more completely in the hands of the mother, who is again liable to spoil. And he may compensate by throwing gifts at them.

This is a dramatic example of our current civilization seeming determined to run off a cliff. Perhaps the Reiner case, tragic as it is, will lead to some awakening.

Rob Reiner

Donald Trump badly damaged his own legacy recently with ungracious comments on the murder of Rob Reiner. He reminded us once again that he is not a good man, only a brave man. Perhaps we can never expect much more from a political leader, The leadership of this world is given over to Satan.

Anyone who celebrates another’s death is not on God’s side. The beginning and ending of life are sacred matters, and must be approached reverently.

In the case of Rob Reiner, anyone who thinks his political views justify pleasure at his murder is of the Devil’s party. Politics is a never highly principled: it is “the art of the possible.” And, I might say, creatives are often deeply misguided on politics, for the creditable reason that they are not cynical enough to understand it. They are too idealistic. 

But Reiner’s contributions to the culture, and therefore to everyone’s quality of life, are in principle immortal. Politics is trivial by comparison. He was the director of This Is Spinal Tap, Stand By Me, Misery, The Princess Bride, and When Harry Met Sally. What would American culture be without these films? There are lines, scenes, in those films that have entered the language, and so aided our understanding of the world. “I don’t think that word means what you think it means.” “As you wish.” “Inconceivable.” “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!” “These go to eleven.” “Their appeal is becoming more selective.” The famous scene of Meg Ryan faking orgasm, and the woman in the next booth saying “I’ll have what she’s having.” I had to stop in at Katz’s Deli for a meal when I visited New York. It had become a kind of holy ground.

You might say these are really examples of great screenwriting, not great directing. But it is both. Reiner somehow got these great lines and scenes out of several screenwriters, after all. The real trick, it seems to me, is that he somehow got exceptional performances out of his actors. The delivery is a huge part of why these quotes have been memorable. Consider the performances he got out of Kathy Bates in Misery; has she ever done a better performance for anyone else? Meg Ryan in that deli scene; has she ever done better for anyone else? Mandy Patinkin as Inigo Montoya. These were actors acting at the highest level, not realistic, not method acting, God forbid, but truly vivid. Acting of the Cagney school, something you see only with the great directors, like Orson Welles, the Coen brothers, Stanley Kubrick, Alfred Hitchcock. Acting that burns an image into your memory. And Reiner got it out of actor after actor. So it cannot just have been them. It was something he was doing. 

Perhaps Reiner’s later films are not up to his earlier standard. I cannot say; I stopped watching adult films in general some years ago, when I had little ones. Since then, it has mostly only been something I did on long-range flights. And his great films, like most great films, have been slow burns: not huge box office at first, but growing in reputation over time. 

And now we will see no more. That is an incalculable tragedy.