Mighty Bad Advice

The message quoted in full below appeared in my mailbox from a place called “The Mighty.” At first it seemed so mad I did not know whether it was worth trying to parse it: where do you start?

But it shows how messed up our current understanding of psychology is, and why it is not likely to be helpful to those experiencing any of the various forms of spiritual anguish we call “mental illness.”

Here is is, verbatum. This is not a parody:

This is for the men who are struggling in silence. 

Hey Mighties, 

There’s something rotten at the heart of masculinity today, and it’s been festering for generations. It’s in the way we speak to our children, how they then speak to their friends on the playground, and how they go on to speak to their friends in workplaces and bars and gyms. They’ll unknowingly teach their own children, someday, to live like this. That is unless we stop it now. We can change, you and I. We need to change, because the effects it has on young male-identifying people living with mental illness are profound. 

That’s why I’m sending this email, because I want you to know, no matter how you identify, that it’s OK for men to be open with their emotions. It’s OK for men to cry and to struggle with a mental illness, and it does not for a single second make them weak or any less than a man. 

And yet, our culture tells men to “man up” if they show what is perceived as weakness. Our culture tells young boys to “act like a man,” and that “boys don’t cry,” so you’re forced to bottle up your feelings and bury them deep where nobody will ever find them. That is until, one day, the pressure mounts. Studies show the effect this has; it’s part of the reason why men die by suicide 3.5 times more than women. 

So, if you’re reading this, identify as male and struggle with your mental health, it’s going to be OK. You’re not weak for feeling this way. Our biology as a species is fundamentally the same, no matter what gender you were assigned at birth. The only thing telling you that men are strong and women are weak is an outdated system of belief that kept women oppressed for generations. 

Likewise, if you don’t identify as male but have men in your life who could do with a reminder, I urge you to pass this on to them. 

We need to stand up as a society and say together in one voice that we’ve had enough. Your gender does not govern your emotions or how you deal with the challenges in your life. True strength lies in reaching out for help, whether that’s to a loved one, a mental health professional, your doctor or someone on a crisis line. It’s OK to be scared. I was scared too when I first did it. Ultimately, though, it’s made things a whole lot better. 

Ready to take the leap, #MightyMen?

--and there is a link right below to an article on “toxic masculinity.”

Me again. Now, it is pretty clear that a if not the fundamental element of depression is poor self-image, low self-esteem. So how does this message address the issue?

By telling the male reader right out of the box that he is “rotten at the heart.” His identity as a man is “festering.” It is “toxic.” Men have “kept women oppressed for generations.”

And, if you are a man, that is all your own darned fault. And so is your depression. It is a question of “male-identifying.” Clearly, had you been a better person, you would have identified as female. You need to change. Men in general could do with a reminder.

And how are you supposed to change? Cry. Submit utterly to the depression. Stop trying to get better. Become more dependent. Accept the concept that you must become and remain subservient to others.

Yeah, that ought to help.

A second issue that seems to be at the core of depression is a loss of a sense of meaning or direction in life. You accordingly crave and need clear answers and clear direction.

Instead, this advice pushes you into a classic double bind. You are supposed to unleash your emotions and cry a lot--just the opposite of what the culture and its norms traditionally tell you is right and moral. Now you have a new and difficult mental conflict. Which way to turn? Who should you believe? Either way, you are wrong.

And anything left that you thought you knew to be true? You must doubt them all. All traditional assumptions are to be doubted, and discarded as the initial assumption. Everything the culture tells you is wrong. It is just “outdated systems of belief.” Even something as fundamental and scientifically incontrovertible as there being a difference between men and women? No, reject the thought, everything must be or become ambiguous. Strength is weakness. Weakness is being “mighty.”

If you were deliberately trying to make someone's mental turmoil worse, you could not do a better job than this. And yet this is what is fed to people who are suffering most grievously. It is hard not to believe it is malicious.

The plain and bitter truth, which should become clear from reading this passage, is that those experiencing “mental illness” are far saner than those claiming to know how to cure “mental illness.” The cure is the disease, and the disease has become the cure.