Editing Cohen

For all his mastery and for all his craftsmanship, Leonard Cohen does from time to time very oddly put a word wrong. Here are two examples:

Go By Brooks

Go by brooks, love
Where fish stare,
Go by brooks,
I will pass there.

Go by rivers,
Where eels throng,
Rivers, love,
I won’t be long.

Go by oceans,
Where whales sail,
Oceans, love,
I will not fail.

A line like “Where fish stare” is what is so great about Cohen. But “Where whales sail” is just not right. Whales do not sail; the image is cartoonish. Aside from that, it lacks the emotional pull of “stare” or “throng.” And easily fixed: “Where whales wail.” Preserves the rhyme, massive alliteration, whales really do wail, and it is emotionally evocative.

Dance Me to the End of Love

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic 'til I'm gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love 

Oh let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone
Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon
Show me slowly what I only know the limits of
Dance me to the end of love 

Dance me to the wedding now, dance me on and on
Dance me very tenderly and dance me very long
We're both of us beneath our love, we're both of us above
Dance me to the end of love 

Dance me to the children who are asking to be born
Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn
Raise a tent of shelter now, though every thread is torn
Dance me to the end of love 

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic till I'm gathered safely in
Touch me with your naked hand or touch me with your glove
Dance me to the end of love.

This is a minor tour de force, because there are not many rhymes for “love” in English. That is one of the great things about lyrics. They force the poet to use rhyme. Rhyme is sadly out of fashion in modern poetry, and it is of great value for several reasons. One is that it forces craftsmanship; it is a great challenge to take an almost inevitable rhyme and keep it from looking forced.

Cohen pulls it off here. Including a truly magnificent line using the rhyme, “Show me slowly what I only know the limits of.” In fact, the problem is not with any of the rhymes. It is with that phrase “homeward dove.” You know what he means, but that is not the right adjective. And a better one seems easily at hand: “homing dove.” As in homing pigeon. Why not?