Air Vatican - Just That Much Closer to Heaven

I have a business idea for the Catholic Church: it's time the Vatican, like most other sovereign states, had its own airline.

Here's the unique selling proposition: like communion, it would be for Catholics only. Flying becomes a sacrament. The airplane would be, officially, a church. In order to book a ticket or to board, you would have to show a valid baptismal certificate.

Why would anyone fly Air Vatican? Not just for the tasty wafers, the incense, or the fine Italian food. Given that it is restricted to Catholics, they could also be reasonably assured that there are no Muslims on board—meaning no hijackers, shoe bombs, or underwear bombs.

Of course, other airlines could theoretically do the same—simply ban all Muslims from their flights. But since they are not registered as religions, this would probably be illegal in many countries they hope to serve.

Would this be unfair to Muslims? I don't think so—are Catholics allowed in Mecca? For the vast majority of Muslims who are not terrorists, this arrangement is equally advantageous. Muslims would not lack flights or carriers: some of the best airlines in the world are Muslim owned. Muslims flying on all-Muslims flights would gain the same security advantages as non-Muslims on non-Muslim flights: no terrorist is going to blow them up in the name of Islam. And they could draw on a clientele as large as that of Air Vatican.

Those most likely to suffer would be secularists and Protestants from the smaller denominations. But the solution for the latter is fairly simple: ecumenicism. Not such a terrible consequence, even if unintended.

Would terrorists forge baptismal certificates in order to board? Let them—there could be additional protections available. Only non-halal meals served on board. Passengers must cross themselves, drink the communion wine, and say the Nicene Creed in a common mass before boarding. Any Islamist suicide bomber who passed these tests would fear dying in a state of sin.

Other religious groups could do the same, if there was a demand; in fact, any enterprising pastor could probably start this tomorrow, by chartering a flight and placing an ad.

Probably lots more money in it than Bingo.