Advice for Women

What can a woman do to attract the attention of men?

Geez, I’m so glad somebody finally asked. I’m 53 years old, long past it all myself, and no woman has ever asked me—until yesterday, when the editor of a small magazine did. And I have so much to say. For many years, it’s seemed to me that the average woman was doing just about everything wrong.

If women do not want men’s attention, that’s their business. But if they do, it would be pretty easy to stand out from the crowd and get all the male attention a girl could handle. The mere fact that no woman has asked me for advice on this in 53years suggests to me how little effort the average woman bothers to put into it—but then, I can’t recall ever asking a woman for similar advice myself. But since nobody seems to be going about the thing systematically, it would be dead easy for any woman who wanted to do it, to sweep the field.

I’ve known many women, too, beautiful women, good women, who could not get the interest of a man. And the reason for it seemed generally simple, obvious, and easy to fix, had they bothered to ask. One does not, after all, volunteer such information. One is liable to get a handbag across the chops.

First, forget having to be beautiful. Assuming you are not positively ugly, nose warts and moustache and all, you have all that you need. Actually, don’t even worry about the moustache. I hear bearded ladies from circus sideshows used to do quite well. Even an ugly girl, if she is charming, is likely to attract a man who will think of her as his very own hidden prize. But so long as you are pleasant to look at, I believe you can compete with any other woman for any other man. The prettier woman really has no advantage at all. Beyond that, it is personality; and the individual taste of the man.

First, avoid being fashionable. I imagine this is important to women as a matter of status with other women. But it is counterproductive in terms of the opposite sex. Simple principle: if you look like everyone else, you will not get noticed. If you dress distinctively, men are obviously more likely to notice you. And to see you as a human being. Men know nothing of fashion anyway, and care less.

Best not to dress too expensively. This lights up two warning signs for men: it suggests that you are relatively frivolous; and that you like to spend money, probably unwisely. Since he may be supplying some of that money in the future, this is unlikely to recommend you to a man. Even a man who has gobs of money, and would be eager to spend it on you, would like at least to believe that he can make your life better by doing this, not just keep you in the lifestyle to which you are accustomed.

So how should you dress? Simple formula, which has actually been scientifically proven. Men like women. So the more distinctly feminine, and un-masculine, you can make yourself look, all else being equal, the more attention you are going to get from men. That means skirts or dresses instead of pants. Frills and sheer fabrics and feminine colours. Long hair. Shaved legs and armpits. Shave the moustache, if you have to. Feminists may call you a sellout. But male hearts will melt.

Avoid expensive-looking jewelry—see note about spending money, above. But costume jewelry is fine, if it is to your own taste. I know a woman who makes quite an impression by wearing a brace of dangly bangles on her wrists.

My own advice is not to show skin. Cover up as much as possible. Sure, if you want quick sex, showing skin works. Men will understand that you want sex, and whom with does not really matter to you. Many men will be happy to oblige. They want to make you happy. If, however, you want a relationship, showing skin is counter-productive. It advertises to men that you lack commitment. Men who seek commitment will avoid you. (And those who have sex with you may be doing it out of pity.)

You are also forcing competition with all other women on the sheer basis of body shape. I leave it to you do decide whether that is wise in your particular case. But, since men are predisposed to like women, if you cover up more, men are inclined to fill in the gaps to your advantage.

This is the power of your feminine mystique. Bare too much, and you are waiving this powerful ally—the male imagination.

Don’t kill yourself trying to get and stay thin. Maybe being thin gains status with other women; but not with men. Some men like thin women, but it is not the general preference. Don’t believe me? Take a look at any men’s magazine. If anything, the figures men will apparently pay to look at are on the plump side.

Best not to be too fat or too thin, but within a fairly wide range, you will find some men who prefer all body types.

And don’t believe it when they—feminists—tell you men do not like intelligent women. In all times and places, the more intelligent and accomplished a woman has been, the more desirable she has been as a wife. This is perfectly predictable and more or less self-evident—an intelligent woman is likely to have intelligent children, and to be able to contribute more to her husband’s welfare. By no means should any woman try to hide her light under a bushel. She will get less, not more, attention, and such deception is only likely to produce a less desirable matchup. Always best to be yourself.

Don’t, on the other hand, compete with a man. Love is not a struggle for power. It is not a matter of master or mistress and slave. It is working together and helping each other. If the man has some special talent or ability, appreciate it, praise him for it, and benefit from it. As he should your special talents.

Before feminism this was easier, because men and women tended to focus on different spheres. Women’s accomplishments tended to be in the arts--music, painting, cooking, dancing, and so on—while men’s were usually in more practical areas—commerce, mechanics, engineering, and so forth. Today, it takes more care not to compete, because women have largely moved into traditional male fields.

Feminism may win you status among other women, but it is surely counterproductive if you want attention from men. Not surprisingly, men do not like being put down. Who would? Who would deliberately walk into an abusive relationship?

Anyway, feminism is female herd thinking. Accordingly, feminists do not strike the average man as very bright. Men are bound to be more impressed, and more likely to notice you, if you say something they have not heard before, than if you repeat the standard feminist line.

Another common mistake, which should be obvious, but apparently isn’t to most women. Do not talk too much about previous attachments. Especially, no bedroom gossip. If you speak favourably about previous boyfriends, the man you are with will feel less special. If you speak unfavourably, or reveal bedroom secrets, he will understand that one day you may talk of him similarly. Never kiss and tell. Answer questions if asked.

Similarly, why pry into his past affairs?

Avoid talking too much in general. Feminists will howl at this, and insist that studies show men talk more than women. I doubt this; but even if it is true, it does not matter. It is still true that women who talk a lot are a big problem for many men. Men crave peace and quiet. Too many women, otherwise good women, women I know personally, drive men away simply by talking too much. Most cultures are aware of this problem: in Korea, for example, traditionally, the bride was given as a wedding gift by her parents a carved duck with a ribbon tying its beak shut.

Part of the problem is no doubt that men are interested in talking about different things than women. Men are not interested in exchanging gossip. Men do not say things just for the sake of “being there for you.” This is the sort of thing God made other women for. Get a friend. A boyfriend is not the same thing.

So keep some things to yourself; but don’t tell lies. Be straight with a man. Be yourself. A real relationship is founded on trust and openness. You start out telling lies, and you begin by undermining the whole thing. You will be caught out, and everything will be lost.

I hope this helps someone. Perhaps some women will gag on one or another suggestion. But really, if you can see clear to doing just some of this, it is likely to improve your experience with the opposite sex.

I encourage male readers to add their own suggestions as comments. And female readers (do I have any?) to add their suggestions on how men can be more interesting to women.