What Poilievre Should Say in the Next Election

Here’s my suggestion for how Poilievre should handle the Trump issue in the next election; a proposed speech.

“My friends and fellow Canadians; let us remember how lucky we are to be Canadians; to have this beautiful land as our inheritance. Just look around you. The Rocky Mountains; Niagara; the thundering Fraser; the vast prairies; the great white north; the bays and fishing grounds of the longest coastline in the world. Our ancestors handed down to us the second-largest piece of real estate in the world. A land rich in arable land, rich in minerals, rich in oil,  potash, natural gas, rich in fresh water and fish and hydro power. Our geography protects us on three sides from invasion by vast oceans. And on the fourth side--right next door to the largest and wealthiest market in the world. A pretty good place to set up shop.

 It would be hard to mess this up. But the Liberals are doing their best. We are beginning to feel the consequences. In rising costs of living, rising regional resentments, rising ethnic tensions, rising rates of violence, and economic stagnation. In the housing crisis and the health care crisis. In our weekly food bills and rent or mortgage payments, and in our rising taxes.

And their alibi is Donald Trump. It’s all Trump’s fault. A convenient scapegoat.

Trump’s an easy target. Canadians are painstakingly polite. Canadians always say sorry, and care about the feelings of others. Trump is rude. He has bad manners. He says hurtful things. This obviously rubs Canadians the wrong way.

Friends, this is simple to understand. Trump is from the boroughs of New York City, from Queens. Just as Canadians are polite, that is the way New Yorkers are. Let’s not be hoodwinked by prejudice. Trump is mostly bark, not bite. We should be sophisticated enough, with our multicultural heritage, to see this, and use it to our advantage.

We are lucky to have the United States as our neighbour. It is the key to our own prosperity. No other nation can replace the US as our chief market. And it is good to be on good terms with your customers.

And the US has been a good neighbour. Since 1815, despite the world’s longest border, they have not tried to annex us. They have not fired in anger. Compare the many wars of Europe. We have lived together in peace and prosperity, to great mutual benefit. Would you rather live in Africa or the Middle East?

Not only have they never attacked us; America has been the great protector of our own freedoms—and the liberty of the rest of the world. Along with the British parliamentary tradition, the American federal structure, their representative government, and their Bill of Rights, were largely the model for confederation, responsible government, and the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. 

They led and won the Cold War against Communism on behalf of the democracies. They were the critical factor in taking down Hitler and the Holocaust. They came to the rescue of the other democracies at the critical moment in the First World War. They have led the fight against Islamist terrorism. We have fought side by side with our American brothers many times; and do not suppose this was some favour to the Americans. Our interests, as free peoples, are the same. 

How can we even think of, say, cozying up to Beijing to spite America? A CCP guilty of genocide as we speak? A CCP that has held Canadians hostage, that tries to bully Canadian citizens here in Canada?

And a CCP that declares the right to annex Taiwan, simply because they are ethnically similar. On these grounds, the US could claim a right to annex Canada. Do we really want to ally with the annexationists and annexationism, against our friends and loyal neighbours?

The idea seems treasonous. Yet this is Carney’s clever idea.

And the Americans are just people like us. We are brothers and cousins—often literally. Many of use have spent winters in Florida or Arizona. Many have worked or studied there, most of use have visited. We all listen to Drake, and Celine Dion, and Neil Young. We all laugh to Jim Carrey, Catherine O’Hara, and Norm MacDonald. It is unnatural to be at odds with our family members and neighbours. And it is impolite. With good will, we can work out this little argument over the strength of a figurative fence.

Carney and the Liberals do not understand Trump. Or they are cynically pretending not to, to stir up panic. Don’t be fooled. Trump is using negotiating tactics. Our panic is to his advantage. We do understand him. Jamil Jivani knows JD Vance personally.

I propose we lower our elbows. That is not the Canadian way, has never been the Canadian way. We are a polite people. We are a nation that plays for the Lady Byng Trophy. What other sport but hockey has such a trophy, for gentlemanly conduct? Elbows down, my friends, elbows down. Free trade between our two nations is in the best interests of both, and so it should be easy, with good will, to come to a new agreement. We want freer trade.

Let us play to our strengths. Let us approach the United States in friendship, and seek sunny ways. Let us not be like Trump, but like Canadians."