Happy Family Day!

 

Last Sunday was family day—the Feast of the Holy Family. A fear of the international Church that actually began in Canada, in Quebec. The readings for the day are of special interest: they give the Biblical case for family values, a topic on which I am skeptical.

The first reading is from the Book of Sirach (Ecclesiasticus)—not in the Protestant Bibles. 

God sets a father in honor over his children;
    a mother’s authority he confirms over her sons.
Whoever honors his father atones for sins,
    and preserves himself from them.
When he prays, he is heard;
    he stores up riches who reveres his mother.
Whoever honors his father is gladdened by children,
    and, when he prays, is heard.
Whoever reveres his father will live a long life;
    he who obeys his father brings comfort to his mother.
My son, take care of your father when he is old;
    grieve him not as long as he lives.
Even if his mind fail, be considerate of him;
    revile him not all the days of his life;
kindness to a father will not be forgotten,
    firmly planted against the debt of your sins
    —a house raised in justice to you.

Sirach 3:2-6, 12-14

Here is a more complete version of the passage, Sirach 3: 1-16, RSV:

Listen to me your father, O children;
    and act accordingly, that you may be kept in safety.
2 For the Lord honored the father above the children,
    and he confirmed the right of the mother over her sons.
3 Whoever honors his father atones for sins,
4     and whoever glorifies his mother is like one who lays up treasure.
5 Whoever honors his father will be gladdened by his own children,
    and when he prays he will be heard.
6 Whoever glorifies his father will have long life,
    and whoever obeys the Lord will refresh his mother;
7     he will serve his parents as his masters. 
8 Honor your father by word and deed,
    that a blessing from him may come upon you.
9 For a father’s blessing strengthens the houses of the children,
    but a mother’s curse uproots their foundations.
10 Do not glorify yourself by dishonoring your father,
    for your father’s dishonor is no glory to you.
11 For a man’s glory comes from honoring his father,
    and it is a disgrace for children not to respect their mother.
12 O son, help your father in his old age,
    and do not grieve him as long as he lives;
13 even if he is lacking in understanding, show forbearance;
    in all your strength do not despise him.
14 For kindness to a father will not be forgotten,
    and against your sins it will be credited to you;
15 in the day of your affliction it will be remembered in your favor;
    as frost in fair weather, your sins will melt away.
16 Whoever forsakes his father is like a blasphemer,
    and whoever angers his mother is cursed by the Lord.”

The primary sense in which one is to “honour” and “glorify” one’s parents seems to be to care for them with dignity in their old age.

This makes sense. It is simply the instinct of a small child to revere and obey their parents implicitly -- probably to excess, to the point of idolatry. The need for a commandment comes when what is right goes against what is instinctual. The commandment matters when the parent grows old and infirm, and begins to seem a burden to the adult child. And the grown child may find them demanding, childish and embarrassing.

This was a more important moral issue in the days before social security, of course. Nowadays aged parents are often perfectly independent, indeed better off than their adult progeny.

The second reading is from Colossians:

Brothers and sisters:
Put on, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved,
heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience,
bearing with one another and forgiving one another, 
if one has a grievance against another; 
as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.
And over all these put on love, 
that is, the bond of perfection.
And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, 
the peace into which you were also called in one body.
And be thankful.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, 
as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, 
singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs 
with gratitude in your hearts to God.
And whatever you do, in word or in deed, 
do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, 
giving thanks to God the Father through him.  
Wives, be subordinate to your husbands, 
as is proper in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives, 
and avoid any bitterness toward them.
Children, obey your parents in everything, 
for this is pleasing to the Lord.
Fathers, do not provoke your children, 
so they may not become discouraged.

Colossians 3:12-21.

The last few verses are the classic Bible passage to which feminists object. The Biblical vision of the family is currently “politically incorrect.”

Before we get to that, note that the call to love one another comes with an obligation to “teach and admonish.” This is also “politically incorrect” in our time. The Bible tells us we are supposed to call out others when they sin. Currently, this is considered intolerance. According to the Bible, pointing out another’s sin is not an attack on them, but a duty of love. Which of course it is.

Now to address the feminist objection. This is going over old ground, but here it is. There is a contract implied here, with duties on both sides: the wife is obliged to subordinate to the husband, and the husband is obliged to show love for his wife. That’s the deal. Presumably if the husband breaks the deal by treating his wife with bitterness, the wife has a right to no longer act subordinate; and vice versa. That is the wisdom of the American Declaration of Independence, based on earlier Christian precedent: if the government does not keep its end of the bargain, one need no longer be subordinate.

Sadly, feminism, and women, have broken this contract. Making the family, and marriage, currently unsupportable.

There is a similar contract here between parents and children: as the wife is to obey the husband, so children are to obey their parents; and parents in return are not to provoke their children. Again, if the parents do not live up to this deal, but provoke and discourage their children, that is, act with malice and cause their children not to know what is expected of them, the children are free not to obey; indeed, arguably, ought not to obey. Again, as per the Declaration of Independence.

This last line also gives in the briefest possible form a clear diagnosis of the cause for depression. Depression is the experience of being “discouraged,” or “dispirited,” not knowing which way to turn. And it is caused by a parent “provoking” the child in childhood—acting with malice or failing to give clear direction.