Did Rob Reiner Deserve it?

There is a highly discreditable human tendency, whenever evil occurs, to blame the victim. This makes us feel safer from evil ourselves, and gives us an alibi for doing nothing to help. Moreover, opining about another’s family situation is gossip. We cannot really know.

Nevertheless, I think it is important to comment on the issue of Nick Reiner, accused of having murdered his parents Rob and Michele Reiner.

Most relevant, I think, is a comment from an extra on the movie they made—that Nick came across as spoiled and privileged. But really, all you need to know is that he was a drug addict. Then it all immediately makes sense.

I believe Rob Reiner was indeed responsible for his own death. But not because he treated his son badly. He spoiled his child. This is tragically common, so not really to his great discredit. And it is on the advice of experts: we are, they tell us, supposed to “love unconditionally,” and avoid punishments. Children need “self-esteem.” If they behave badly, you need to treat them better. The problem must be a “lack of self-esteem.”

This is clearly the path the Reiners followed. They were “progressive.” They respected the experts. They did all the latest and right things. None of this old-fashioned Biblical or Victorian nonsense about “spare the rod and spoil the child,” or "Whoever spares the rod hates their children." Indeed, in their minds, the experts did not go far enough.

The most likely result will be a hopeless narcissist. As the Bible warns, they will not have any clear guidance as to right and wrong. They will be without any self-discipline. And they will likely have a godlike conception of their own self-worth and desserts: a narcissist.

A child so raised will rarely appreciate having been pampered. Like the girl in the parable “The Princess and the Pea,” they will assume they deserve it, will have no tolerance for suffering of any kind, and so their demands will grow and grow. They will inevitably grow to the point where you cannot satisfy them, and then they will blame and condemn you for not providing. And maybe slit your throat in your sleep. 

It will also make them wholly dependent—on you, or on someone else, or on alcohol or drugs. A snowflake. If not these, then on any or all of the vices, for these are addictions in the same way: pride, envy, greed, sloth, gluttony, wrath, lust. See Hunter Biden.

Disturbingly, we have always raised girls this way. Perhaps this is because it is always easier and more pleasant to spoil a child. And the parents can traditionally assume that, in the end, the girl will be someone else’s problem. Perhaps too because spoiling will make her dependent, so more likely to marry.

Spoiling a child is of course more common in wealthy families, because it is easier for them to thoroughly spoil a child. But do not assume this. The British upper class traditionally sent their scions to spartan boarding schools to avoid this; or handed them over to a stern nanny. It is probably even more common in fatherless families, because mothers are more likely to pamper and spoil a child. Which explains a lot about crime in poor neighbourhoods. It is also common in families where the father is highly successful. Because his attention to his career can mean less time to attend to the children—this is left more completely in the hands of the mother, who is again liable to spoil. And he may compensate by throwing gifts at them.

This is a dramatic example of our current civilization seeming determined to run off a cliff. Perhaps the Reiner case, tragic as it is, will lead to some awakening.