If for any reason you cannot find the paperback version of Playing the Indian Card at your favourite bookstore or online retailer, please ask them to carry it. Protest and picket the store entrance if necessary.
Amber Heard is helpfully giving us all a master class in narcissism. Predictably, she has not gone silent or backed away after losing her court case. This illustrates the common observation that narcissists are incurable, and cannot be reasoned with; that a narcissist will never change. Heard is actually risking being sued all over again for defamation.
But a narcissist cannot let go. Failure of any kind cannot be acknowledged, or, in their own minds, all is lost. To them, it is kill or be killed.
This is why the generally recommended strategy, cutting all contact, may not work. It will not work unless you can effectively disappear from their consciousness; which is a hard thing to do, and necessarily highly disruptive to your life and livelihood. Once they have targeted you, the narcissist is likely to come after you; and to slander you to anyone they come in contact with.
The only exit for Depp is if and when the media lose interest in listening to Heard.
The incorrigibility of narcissism is no doubt why hell is understood in Christianity to be eternal. Once you have chosen self as your God, there may be no going back.
It is a bit disappointing that Johnny Depp did not get a settlement of $50 million, and Amber Heard nothing. That would have felt more like justice. I think Depp had a reasonable case that he had lost as much as $50 million in career damage. And there seems to me no logic in finding defamation against his lawyer, who had good reason to believe he was speaking the truth. And if he didn’t, is Depp responsible for what he said?
But in a way, this outcome is best. Had Depp gotten more than he did, sympathy might have moved towards Heard, which would be the worst outcome. Many would feel sorry for her despite what she did.
Reputedly, she will not be able to cover the present settlement. She is supposed to be worth only $2 million. Odd, though, since she got $7 million from Depp a few years ago, and has not donated any of it to charity. Where did it all go?
The bottom line is, the jury found that Johnny Depp did not abuse Amber Heard; that her claims that he did were lies. That is a great victory for all the victims of narcissists, and especially for abused men. It reassures me that there is some justice in the world.
I hope now he gets his career back.
Another advantage of the trial is that it revealed to us who the good people are in Hollywood: those who stuck by Depp. Oddly enough, they tend to be celebrities I always suspected were nice people.
Many observers have noticed that Heard had a tendency to “smirk” during proceedings: a distinctive half-smile in which only one side of the mouth goes up.
This facial expression, for whatever reason, is absolutely characteristic of narcissists. Perhaps it shows their own internal confidence in their superiority; they believe they are putting something over on the world. It is familiar to anyone whose life has been cursed by a narcissist.
Watch and think carefully: Have you ever seen this expression in another? If you ever see this expression in another, habitually, you see a red flag. Get away if you can.
Another illustration from Amber Heard of how the narcissist scapegoats: early in her testimony, she described an incident in which Johnny Depp held his small dog out the car window while the car was moving.
This has not been corroborated by anyone else in the cart.
On the stand, Amber Heard neatly illustrates many of the tendencies of the narcissist. It is a great public service Johnny Depp has done to get her before the general public.
One is to say the opposite of the truth.
This is instinctive. If you are going to lie, it feels safest to say truth’s exact opposite. That feels like it keeps you away from danger. But in fact, this means the narcissist often gives themselves away, if you are paying attention. Just reverse valences.
An example is Heard’s claim that she concealed bruises on her face using makeup. At one point, she called this makeup a “bruise kit,” then quickly corrected herself. She had to, because there is such a thing as a “bruise kit.” Actors use it to fake bruises.
Faking bruises is far easier than concealing real ones, and any actor would be familiar with how to do so. Not so much with how to cover them. She was giving herself away.
Narcissists cannot accept blame for anything. Many have noticed this about Heard: as she tells it, she never did anything wrong throughout the relationship. Even when faced with blatant evidence to the contrary. Compare Depp, who admits to various addictions.
An inevitable further tendency of the narcissist, related to both of these, is to scapegoat. They will project their own sins onto someone else, usually a victim designated in their mind for the purpose.
Heard accuses Depp of everything she has done herself. She was abusing him, so she insists he was abusing her. She grievously injured him with a bottle, so she insists that he injured her with a bottle—and in a way she can imagine was worse. She has a reputation for destroying phones in fits of anger; so she accuses Depp of injuring himself destroying a phone. Heard was at least as addicted a drug user as Depp; yet she insists that only he had the problem, and her constant concern was to get him off them.
I hope the public is learning. Heard is a predictable type. Too many of us are familiar with it personally.
Several observers have pointed out that at one point during the Depp-Heard defamation trial, it looks as though Amber Heard takes a snort of cocaine while on the stand. She buries her nose only partially in a handkerchief, holds one nostril closed, then removes the handkerchief and wipes her nose with her hand.
I think it is just what it looks like.
Heard also, one day, after testifying, and instructed by the judge to return to her seat with her lawyers, instead walked out of the courtroom.
Some narcissists will deliberately engage in “reckless behavior.” We see here an example. This is to show their contempt for those around them. It declares their superiority.
This may be a sign Heard expects to lose the case. So she must show her contempt. Narcissists tend to do this only when they feel vulnerable.
Why did Heard torture Depp?
First, out of envy. In order to be the centre of attention, the narcissist must pull down anyone else getting attention. They must destroy all that is noble, fine, and beautiful.
Second, Heard also tortured Depp for enjoyment. Narcissists like making people feel bad, and feed, vampire-like, off the emotion. It is an exercise in power and control.
The makeup artist who prepared Amber Heard to appear on the James Cordon show testifies that she had no bruises. Nevertheless, after the taping, Heard turned to the makeup artist and remarked, “can you believe I did that show with two black eyes?”
This is what gaslighting looks like. This is a classic example of narcissism. Heard told a blatant lie, even though the only person she was speaking to had to know it was a lie.
Growing up with or living with a narcissist, one experiences this constantly, and the result is a growing inability to tell what is real from what is not, that leads to much of what we call mental illness. But in the end it is the narcissist who is truly mad; over time they drive others around them mad.
The narcissist is able to say such things with full evident sincerity, because they have no objective understanding of truth. This is why Fleiss called them “ambulatory psychotics.” What is true is whatever they want to be true. Other people are simply required to believe whatever they tell them.
Of course, they also know that they are lying. That is why Heard was obliged to make the absurd remark to the makeup artist. Their claims must be affirmed by those around them. Any possible dissent must be challenged.
If they believed they were saying the truth, this would not matter.
It is a trick similar to the trick we all play on ourselves when watching a movie, or reading a book. We know that the story is fiction, but it is enjoyable to believe it, and so we willingly suspend disbelief.
The narcissist does this with their own life, constantly, and with the world around them. Everything must be what they want it to be.
When Amber Heard is expressing sorrow, or pretending sorrow, she grimaces. She looks angry, not sad. This is a giveaway for a narcissistic personality. When a narcissist feels bad, whatever the reason, they express it as anger instead of sorrow. They lash out. I suspect Heard cannot conceal this—although she is feigning any emotion, to her own mind, looking angry is looking sad.
Her testimony is also sentimental. “I can only hope…” That sort of thing. Some say she is a bad actor; what I hear is a bad screenwriter. Not just obviously rehearsed, but intended to manipulate, to jerk tears.
As Jung said, “sentimentality is a superstructure concealing brutality,” or words to that effect.
Whatever general claims she makes about Depp are most likely true of Heard. Indeed, they do seem to mirror what he said about her, although by itself this shown only that one of them is a narcissist, not which one. The usual narcissistic M.O. is to accuse the victim of exactly what they have done themselves. It reveals, in a backhanded way, that they know what they are doing and know it is wrong.
I use the term “narcissism” for ease of understanding. The strictly proper term is “vicious.” “Bad person” would do.
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