Emotional Intelligence

Abel lacked emotional intelligence

It is the common view that highly intelligent people are socially awkward. They lack “emotional intelligence.” Often they are “on the spectrum.” 

This is obviously wrong. There is no reason why having high intelligence would make you less sensitive to the emotional tone of what you say, or its effects on others. The reverse is surely true: if you are intelligent, you will be intelligent in this way as well. You will be more sensitive than average to emotional tones. Studies consistently show that intelligence is general, and applies in all situations.

Nevertheless, highly intelligent people invariably do not work well in groups. They often prefer to be alone. Highly intelligent people are almost inevitably “introverted.” And lonely.

The reason is simple. It is not that they are awkward around others, or do not like other people. It is that other people are awkward around them, and do not like them. 

Think about it. Everyone resents someone more intelligent than they are. Everyone wants to be the smartest person in the room. The person who actually is smartest will have a target on his back.

Imagine being much smarter than everyone else in a group. Everyone else gets to express themselves freely. Most of what they say is wrong. But you, uniquely, cannot say anything. Because people hate being corrected. You must constantly bite your tongue, constantly repress yourself. 

If you say anything, however diplomatically you phrase it, it will be immediately attacked by other members of the group. Others are not attacked for what they say; but you are. Because someone else will want to prove they are smarter than you are. By merely speaking, you will always just get into an argument; and if you defend yourself and win it, this will make them hate you more. It is Catch-22.

As a result, anyone highly intelligent cannot get anything done in a group. To be in a group is more or less always torture. To think and act freely, the very intelligent must act alone, and suffer eternal loneliness. But bad as this is, it is better than the incessant stabs in the front and in the back.

And of course, your inability to work in a group will then be held against you. It proves you lack “emotional intelligence,” and are a failure as a human being. Because anything that can be used against you will be. Others are aways wanting to convince themselves and everyone in earshot that they are a better person than you are.

To see the syndrome writ large, look at the history of the Jews. Look at the ongoing tendency to topple statues and rename streets. The mob resents greatness in others.

Most people are emotionally twisted in this way. Most people are Cain when they encounter Abel.